She is fierce in ways that I will never be and soft in ways that I wish I for. It's absurd to say that she's harder than diamonds and more beautiful, too, because what is a diamond except something shiny under pressure, nearly impossible to crack, can cut you if handled improperly and when she is gone, the whole peace of me is left utterly fucking ugly. She is a center stone, of course. And like, in her being that, she is the attention, she is the beauty you didn't realise you needed in your life until she was gone, and what a fucking curse that is, to know in your heart that once you truly go there is nothing that will fill that void place, and I think she knows that, I hope she does. Because I've lived with that place, I've seen other people do it too, and it winds them, us, in ways that aren't fathomable until after the fact, the hows and the whys of someone choosing to leave your life for one reason or another, and it cannot be overstated how much more life has given me since we found each other again, not with other people. Just with her, just with my very best friend, the person who has seen me the whole time and who I hope I have seen just as carefully, who can glint in the dark and brought love back into my life in the most meaningful fucking way.
My sister is beautiful and hard and terrifying when she wants to be but what's more than that is her drive, her knowledge in what she wants and what she knew would make her happy, I can safely say now that I saw no compromise, there was no wavering as much as the wind around her tried to sway her. The resolve that she had and has when my heart sank and we watched another year's offerings burn up into space and the ashes billowed out to nourish the road that we'd been walking down for years, sometimes on other sides of a divide, now hand in hand, blissfully.
Natalie, the pearls in your heart have managed to turn your blood to gold and here we are, not at the sea shore and waiting anymore. We might not be sitting on your sofa physically, but no matter where you are in the world, you are ever present in my heart and in my mind, guiding me thorugh the stupid little day to day things that I would not know how to manage if it weren't for you. You've given so much, so tierlessly and I will never be able to find a way to tell you how thankful or how grateful I am for you. I am still a fucking awful person and you are still too good to love me. You are the sun in my skies, you are the warm feeling of love wherever I turn, the beauty that has been the colour in my world, the delicate precious things in the details of my life and my love, I hope you have the most amazing birthday and that you know without a shadow of a goddamn doubt how important, how wonderful you are and how I'll love you long after we hit forever.
