I'm having a hard time with this. How do you start to tell your best friend, the person who has been there through the void with you and everything else how much they mean to you? How do you actually quantify all the phone calls, the starless nights, the warmth that crawls up and floods through your body when you see them safe and sound and whole and happy? Do you go on about how they've seen you at your worst at a dirty truck stop with Laffy Taffy stuck in the ends of your hair from the night before but it didn't matter because you saw them and they made the nights easier? How that every time you hear a Bosendorfer piano that it will, inexplicably remind you of her always? Do you try to remember what you told her in the quiet while you tried to get out of Texas as fast as you could? Do you tell her about all the little whispers that you'd say before you went to sleep when you weren't always there or talking that you hoped that someone heard you and made her laugh at something stupid when you weren't there for it?
Do you tell her you tried on her shoes on more than on occasion when you thought no one was looking and you had no idea how she made it look so effortless all the time? That no one could ever hope to be able to do what she does, the way she does. And that while you know no one else could ever dream to be that, that everyone who knew her, that knows her that will ever meet her knows that she'd always grow bigger and brighter and better than anyone.
Do you just say I love you more than time, more than words, more than peopple or money or the colours that make up your best dreams, because without her there there are no more best dreams. She's the crucial part of life that makes things meaningful, and more than that fun? I worry sometimes that you've knwown me too long, that there aren't may late nights or adventures left because you are the beautiful high places of the world, like that you're in the sky and I'm happy to look up and gaze, because I always have, and I suspect that's never going to change. But then I think about all the things we have left to do and I can see the rush of stardust that floats off of you wherever you go, no matter who you meet and what work has to be done. To say that you're inspiriational kind of dwarfs what you do, what we've all seen you do. And you're more than that. You're this incredibly talented, sexy woman who has done exactly what she's set out to do and who in the world cannot help but fall in love with you for that? Selfishly, I don't know what I would ever do without you, I'm happy to live in the world where I don't have to figure out an answer to that question. Silly as it is to say, there will never be another person like you, ever and the fact that we're all alive to see you when you're happening is such a goddamn joy. I don't say it often because usually you inspire awe for me, which whiel it isn't the same thing it's like neighbors, but everything you've done for you, for Honey, for the people who are lucky enough to be counted in your life with love, I'm so proud of knowing you, of getting to see you flourish and shimmer in the sun. You're amazing and I'm never ever ever letting you go. I love you, my Melissa Auf Der Maur, my Nina Gordon, my Blondie.
